Recycling is 2009

I'm one for recycling things that can be used again and when I came across this gem it was screaming to be reposted. "Post me, post me!" How could I say no?

So here you are folks, a post from the long ago days of 2007, a time when children listened to their parents, iPhones were all but unheard of and poutine was considered a healthy alternative to brussel sprouts.

Lets call the post: "McDonald's Mahem:"

I'll take you back 4 days or so to January the 23rd. It was a hazy, heavy morning as I ambled groggily into McDonalds to grab a familiar and frustration free breakfast. As I stood in the queue I noticed behind me a middle aged man; there he stood in his wrinkled clothes, his hair astray, shifting his weight from left to right and as I slowly looked up I noticed that unmistakeable look in his eyes. He was a queue jumper. I readied myself - this one was not going to get away. I calculated in my mind the best approach, to politely ask him... nah that had never worked before, maybe I could... and before my sleepy mind could process another thought he sprang into action, trying to shove forward. Instinctively my right arm swung out, straight arming him and stopping him dead on my rippling well muscled bicep, sending him bouncing back like a rag toy. As if someone had pushed the red instant infuriate button he flew into his most colorful choice of Chinese swear words, swearing at everyone and anything, and then finally closing in on me with violent intent. I quickly changed my order to a hot coffee in the hopes of delivering a scalding shot of hour old coffee to his face should he attack. Five McDonalds employees viewing the scene timely leapt into action, subduing him like a wild elephant. I did the only thing you could do in such a situation - laughed hysterically. My laughter caught on and soon the packed restaurant joined me in laughing at such a spectacle, infuriating him to the breaking point. With every gufaw and haha his veins expanded, his eyes bulged and his volume increased. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to laugh. I decided I should leave and leave I did before he broke the staff's grips... I didn't want to have to waste a perfectly good coffee. As the main door closed behind the last swear word lingered and was cast off into the same wind that ruffled my movie star hairdo. So, one could say the moral of the story is not to jump the queue.

In retrospect:

I wouldn't have straightarmed him. I'm not as easily disturbed as I once was. My biceps still ripple at any twitch.

Ou.yang.